Tips for dating a triathlete

However please note that guilt-gifts are not just for sins already committed, but also for future misdemeanours….*A few years ago I took my wife to Stockholm for a lavish weekend-break to celebrate her birthday and to witness the Swedish Royal Wedding and subsequent huge “Love Stockholm” festival.But look behind the lycra for a moment, and not everything is as ticketyboo as it may appear. With virtually every scrap of annual leave hoovered up by going off to Lanzarote, or Majorca, or Tenerife, or France for bike weeks, training camps, triathlons, marathons, adventure races and God knows what else you can kiss goodbye to your two weeks of sun-kissed relaxation in the Caribbean. You could always go on one of their trips with them, if you fancy spending all day on your own while they are out cycling.Here then, for your future happiness, are the top ten reasons why you should never date a triathlete... And if by some miracle you do manage to persuade your beloved to spare some time for a “normal” holiday, expect them to be a fidgeting mass of tense energy, unable to sit still for more than five minutes without sloping off to do laps of the pool while you sunbathe, or sneaking out for a run before breakfast. However it is particularly dangerous to accompany a triathlete to a race because you run the risk of seeing the “other side” of your paramour. Triathletes only eat two sorts of meals – enormous, or nothing.Thanks to Strava and a hundred other training apps you can geo-locate your loved faster than a CIA surveillance team, and best of all they are keeping this cyber-game of “Where’s Wally” going themselves by sharing all their training data on Garmin Connect and Facebook. Absence makes the heart grow fonder If absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder, then you should be very fond indeed of your triathlete-of-choice by the time they return from their training rides. If you date a triathlete this will never be you because tri-ers simply don’t have enough time for home-improvements that might consume valuable training hours.When I return from a 70 mile cycle looking like a partially sentient kneecap and walking strangely because I’ve spent four hours with a saddle wedged up my hoop I’m always struck by how fondly Nicky looks at me. Imagine the serenity and peace-of-mind that will be yours knowing that you are dating someone who will Never-Do-It-Yourself.If you’re looking for that dream date who’ll sweep you off your feet and pack your life full of incident and romance, who better than a triathlete?

I therefore felt it best not to mention that it was also the Stockholm Marathon that weekend which I had already entered having forgotten it was her birthday...

Kennedy, 60, is president of the Waterkeeper Alliance, an "international water protection organization," senior lawyer for the Natural Resources Defense Fund, chief prosecuting attorney for Riverkeeper, yet another enviro group, and co-host of the "Ring of Fire" radio show with Sam Seder and Mike Papantonio, the latter an occasional and well-deserving presence here at News Busters.

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