When I expressed my disappointment, he chided me for giving him an ultimatum at all. It didn’t matter that countless times before, he had actually said he wanted us to get married and or that he couldn’t imagine a future without me.He saw me as an emotional terrorist holding our relationship hostage—and like the U. Nor did he acknowledge the fact that we were quickly approaching our mid-30s, nearing the end of my prime childbearing years. Don't Threaten Me As much as I’d like to play the victim in this situation, it is 100 percent my choice to stay in this relationship.I received—and still receive—emails from women asking me if I’m married yet and how long I was willing to wait. I’ve looked to science, and asked relationship experts and friends both married and unmarried for better answers. When it comes to your relationship, only you and your partner can decide what’s right and wrong.How can a third party, even in his or her infinite wisdom, ever fully grasp or understand what goes on either of your hearts? No one can—except maybe someone who’s going through it too.Who wants to get married to someone they have to threaten into marrying? It’s been about nine months since my demands were not met. We’ve engaged in dozens of fights and quarrels—the particularly bad ones escalate to days of silence or camping out on the couch.We are still together, but our situation is tense and tentative and has all the fun of living by an active volcano. After five years of dating, I told my boyfriend that if he didn’t propose by Christmas, we were over.
The piece resonated with other women in long-term relationships with loving partners who just couldn’t seem to take their relationship to the next, legal level.I was inspired by a friend of mine, who had made a similar, albeit less eloquent demand to her now-husband. That my boyfriend wouldn’t choose me and marriage was unthinkable, unconscionable, unbelievable—and yet that’s exactly what happened.On the final day of the ultimatum, he presented me not with a ring and a proposal, but the promise of one day .They’ve also supported one another through two economic recessions.
These are all healthy, normal hallmarks of being in a committed relationship, right?
We have gone through so many things together and bring out the best in each other," she says.