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A guy who wants to enjoy the fringe benefits of the relationship while managing down your expectations has a thinking that works like this: ‘I’ve told you that I cannot give you what you want.I am giving you a heads up and if you don’t have enough self-respect to move on and you stick around, I am not responsible for any pain that you may experience, even if I continue to shag you/get an ego stroke/or lean on your shoulder and moan.Don’t make the mistake of thinking that because I’m still around that I’m in a position to give you what you want – I’m not, but I am all out for getting my own needs met if you’re going to stick around and let me use you up.’‘Please stop putting me on a pedestal and creating illusions because I am not the man you think I am and I am not the man who you so clearly need me to be and I cannot meet your needs and have no desire to.’ That’s it. When men (or women) say stuff like this is because they know who they are, what they’re capable of, and what they feel about you and any relationship.If someone is in the position of saying this, it’s because you’re asking and expecting from them even when it’s apparent that they cannot meet your ‘needs requests’. When people show you who they are through their actions or tell you who they are, you need to be listening and watching, not denying or deciding that you know better, or playing Dan Brown looking to break a code.
Add in context to the situation and you really get a sense of what they mean: When a man makes statements like ‘I can’t give you what you want’ and stays in the relationship he’s a lazy man who is reshaping the relationship on his terms and trying to manage down your needs and expectations so that he can get his needs met with minimal contribution while marginalising your own needs.
You’ll likely have projected your ideas about who you think he is and the relationship you could have and it’s all making him a bit nervy. But a guy who doesn’t give a monkey’s about you and is happy to enjoy the fruits of your misguided feelings for him will think something like this: want to be with me in spite of this, I know you want the illusion more than you want your self-respect and a real relationship.
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